Teaching Your Kids How to Brag

Is your son or daughter applying to college, looking for work or an internship, trying out for the school play or a sports team?

Well, consider the possibility that the advice you’ve been giving them might be preventing their success. Like most parents, you’ve probably told your kids as they were growing up never to brag about themselves.

And, when they are finally trained on how to sell themselves—be it through the college placement office, a friend, a relative, or a “Presentation 101” workshop—they’re taught to pay the greatest care and attention to their wardrobe, hair, hygiene, table manners, and resume. Common thinking is: Get those things right, it’s a slam-dunk. Right? Wrong, says Peggy Klaus, Fortune 500 communication specialist and author of the popular book BRAG! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It (Warner Books, Paperback, $13.95).

According to Klaus, what you wear to an interview is only part of the equation. Instead of worrying about what’s in the closet, Klaus is advising teens to learn how to brag (gracefully, of course!) and encouraging parents to be proactive with their soon-to-be adult children.

Many young people never learn how to reconcile the virtue of humility taught to them
as children with the need to promote themselves to reach their goals,” says Klaus, a Fortune 500 communication consultant. “For many it’s a harsh wake-up call. Mom and Dad are no longer there, leading the cheerleading squad, doing the talking for their teens. Suddenly, they have to face the real world and learn how to toot their own horn without blowing it.”

The good news from Klaus is that our kids don’t have to choose between being obscure or being obnoxious. Klaus promotes an artful middle ground, a way of turning the spotlight on yourself in a manner which ingratiates instead of grates.

When you’re not getting the plum part in the play or gaining admission to the “right” school, it’s easy to feel like there’s nothing exciting about you that’s worth talking about. But each of us, Klaus says, has hundreds of accomplishments. Klaus believes that parents are in a unique position to help their kids figure out what’s memorable about them so they can find success sooner in their lives.

“Parents can help their kids dig out their golden nuggets—the ones that have substance and weight—which are in line with their career objectives,” explains Klaus. “Once these are discovered, then all it takes is weaving them together in an upbeat, story-like manner. It’s what I call a bragologue.”

Klaus offers these tips for helping teens succeed by teaching them how to toot their own horns:

1. Tell your teens it’s time to brag—the right way of course, without being boring or obnoxious! Fill them in on how to create their story by starting with the Take-12 Questionnaire. Help them find their nuggets. Then encourage them to craft a bragologue. Try modifying the message so it’s appropriate for different people and situations. Create your own story and share it with them, so they can see how natural it is.
   
   
2. Once they have the hang of it, give them the “One Minute Quiz”—ask them to tell you about their proudest accomplishment. The response should be within 60 seconds. Was their answer fascinating and unforgettable? If not, help them deliver with more enthusiasm.
   
   
3. Try a mock job interview before a real one. When they discuss their work experience, does it sound like a robotic list of bullet points from their resume? Not a good sign! Remind them to discuss their resumé as if it were a series of interesting stories.
   
   
4. Practice makes perfect. As a parent, you’ve no doubt said this one-hundred times, and it’s true of bragging too! Suggest that your son or daughter practice their presentation at impromptu encounters, conversations with friends and social events.
   
   
5. Brag often. Make sure they are always armed and ready. You never know when someone will be that link to that next opportunity. Encourage your children to take every chance to present themselves in an engaging way. Opportunities happen when we least expect them, from seemingly idle chit-chat with a teacher to a cousin’s wedding.