AUNT PEGGY’S COW-MENCEMENT SPEECH
For years now, I’ve secretly hoped to get an invitation to be a commencement speaker at an educational institution. I’ve never really cared which one, as long as the students were graduating from something. But now another spring has arrived without one phone call or email asking me to share my words of wisdom with newly minted graduates. And, since I would hate to go to my grave without fulfilling this burning desire, I’ve decided to deliver a commencement speech via this newsletter and ask that you pass it on to all the graduates in your life.
Below you will find a compilation of the 25 years of unsolicited suggestions given to my numerous nieces and nephews, surrogate nieces and nephews, and all other young people I could get to listen to me.
The first advice I want to share is the very thing I screamed at the television screen when I watched Princess Diana walk down the aisle toward Prince Charles: DON’T DO IT! In other words, are you sure you’re ready to leave the Ivory Tower? What’s another year or two going to matter at this point?
I know the idea of paying more tuition makes every parent cringe. I can hear them barking, “Hey, isn’t it time to get out into the real world and start using some of that very expensive education to pay off those steep student loans?” Yes, that’s certainly a good point, but also consider that we are in the throes of a recession, despite what our president says. Delaying your entry into a cold and clammy workforce that has already laid off 260,000 employees since the beginning of this year might not be such a bad idea.
When you’re already up to your neck in debt, what are a few more loans? It’s the American way, right? So this might be the perfect time for grad school or some professional training, before life becomes complicated with family and financial obligations. However, if you do decide to extend your education, savor it! Fully immerse yourself and appreciate the experience like a fine wine. Many people I know look back wistfully on their graduate school days as the best years of their lives.
Whether it’s now or later, when you are ready to take the plunge into the workforce, first contemplate what you really want to do, what you’re good at, and where your skills and talents lie. Don’t just accept the first opportunity that comes your way. Think about each job as part of a career collage that you are creating. A particular position might not be what you want to do forever, but can add to your repertoire of skills and experience.
Whatever you do, don’t try to figure out your whole career at once. No matter how much you might want to, you can’t. It’s like teaching a pig to sing—it’s impossible to do and it just upsets the pig. Besides, if you follow in the footsteps of your parent’s generation, you’ll be changing jobs 10 times between now and when you are 40. I know turning 40 seems like an eternity from now, but when you were 12, you never thought you would make it out of high school, let alone college. The lesson? It goes by really fast.
Once it’s time for the big interview, be sure to prepare and prepare and prepare. Research the company. Generate questions to ask about the organization and the position. Practice talking about yourself and your accomplishments in an enthusiastic, conversational manner without ticking off a list or regurgitating your resume. Prepare for the zingers you might be asked (i.e. “You’ve never had a job before, so tell me why you think you can do this one”) and work out your responses beforehand. Then go in there, be your best self, and give it your all. Don’t lose sleep over whether or not they’ll like you. If you are turned down, find out why. If the reasons given are things you can and want to change about yourself or your circumstances, make the changes as soon as possible. Then move on and try again. While it’s hard to believe at the time, no single employer or job holds the key to your happiness or success. In fact, a year later you probably won’t even remember what the interviewer looked like or what kind of questions you were asked, even if you end up working for the company—unless they ask you something like, “If you were a cereal, what kind would you be?” So relax!
While it's important to consider what your talents are and what you enjoy doing, there are no guarantees you’ll be able to make a living following your bliss. There are many very talented—even brilliant—actors, artists, musicians, and athletes out there who never “make it.” Our society rarely rewards these pursuits in the same way it compensates lawyers, bankers, or insurance brokers. It’s not fair, but that’s the way it is. As much as you can, seek out a career path that will allow you to intertwine your passions into your work, but eventually you’ll need to find something that also can put a roof over your head. So when it comes to how to make your living, stay as flexible as possible. If you end up with a different position than the one you envisioned, you might just find that you enjoy it immensely. Of course, if you do end up with a day job that doesn’t incorporate your true love for writing poetry or acting or singing, this doesn’t mean you have to say good-bye to your passion. Carve out time to explore your pursuits. Take classes, join a writing group, act in the local theatre. Your spirit and your soul will thank you.
Take your future into your own hands. If you sit around waiting for your ship to come in, it’s going to be a very long wait. There are no magical influences. Getting that lucky break is almost always the result of groundwork we lay. Good luck isn't something people are just born with; it’s something we make for ourselves. Aptitude, self-awareness, leveraging opportunities, and plain old-fashioned hard work are what bring about good fortune. It’s up to you to create your own luck.
And for goodness sake, ignore the advice of those motivational speakers and self-help gurus who insist, “If you think it, you can be it.” That’s nonsense! If all it took to make something happen was thinking it, then each of us would be rolling in money, joyously happy, and look like supermodels. Although thoughts do influence your state of mind and ultimately your behavior, it’s your actions and the choices you make that bring about success.
My final piece of advice? Independence is highly overrated. I know, you want to do it yourself. You’re ready to make your own way in the world. But the simple truth it this: No one can do it alone. Ultimately, it’s our interdependence with those around us that fosters success. So find mentors and advocates, develop a network, and stay in regular contact with everyone you’ve ever known. Go ahead and call the uncle of your mom’s friend’s sister. You never know which contact or connection will lead to the next great opportunity or a life-long friend.
So whether you hit the books for a little while longer or take the job plunge right away, it doesn’t really matter—for as the eminent scholar Dr. Seuss says, “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the one who’ll decide where to go.”
Congratulations graduates!
