The Good News Is... There's a Better Way to Give Bad News
Delivering bad news is as undesirable as it is unavoidable. Nobody wants to do it. Yet sooner or later, most of my clients have faced the agonizing responsibility of communicating a message about corporate downsizing, quarterly losses, or poor job performance. I have seen even the highest-ranking executives take extreme measures to sidestep the task—they hide out in their offices or delegate the duty to the next in command.
- When it comes to delivering the tough stuff, we tell ourselves:
- If I wait, the situation will resolve itself.
- This isn't a good time; I'll do it later.
- The audience will eat me alive with questions or accusations that I won't be able to handle.
Most likely, these self-defeating statements are unfounded and thinking them only puts off the inevitable.
Recently, a company-wide "state-of-the-union" meeting forced one executive I was coaching out of procrastination mode. He had the unenviable job of announcing extensive layoffs and the restructuring of all remaining positions. I videotaped his initial practice run. As we watched the playback together, we saw him withering behind the podium, stoop-shouldered with downcast eyes, reading straight from the speech writer's script in a wretched, monotone voice. Unless he planned on purchasing a bulletproof vest to dodge the attack of angry employees, we had a lot of work to do!
SET THE STAGE
The first step to the successful delivery of any message is "Setting the Stage" for the relationship between the presenter and audience. When the message is going to be negative, this step becomes even more crucial. To set the stage, clearly identify the goals, needs, and expectations of the audience. In other words, tune into radio station WIFT (What's In it For Them). Consider the emotional temperature—the nature and intensity of the audience's thoughts and feelings—that will be brought into the meeting. For example, how will the company downsizing impact them? Then take your own emotional temperature as well. Revealing personal feelings can create a rapport that chips away at any anger, resentment, or cynicism held by the audience. What a difference it would make if the executive described above started his presentation by saying how painful the situation was—that it had wreaked havoc on everyone's lives, including his own—rather than dryly stating the facts and high-tailing it off the stage?
SEND THE MESSAGE
Another key element to delivering bad news, and one that is often overlooked, is keeping in mind what the audience should be inclined to do, think, or feel at the end of the presentation. In the example above, the executive wanted the employees to know the company had been through tough times before and survived them. He wanted them to realize management was also taking a hit and would do everything possible to straighten things out—the whole company was on the line. Getting this message across was an important component in establishing personal as well as company integrity.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE PROBLEM
The Good News: "Congratulations, you've been promoted to Managing Director!" The Bad News is now you have to tell your group of three hundred salespeople: "Despite increased performance, there will be a substantial cut in your bonuses." This message was definitely not about to be well-received by my client's group. Before we started on the actual text of her presentation, we spent a lot of time setting the stage. It wasn't surprising to find that she shared many of the same disappointments and anxieties as her group. However, she could also understand the bank's position and as managing director needed to motivate her team. She began announcing the news by acknowledging the problems, then continued with an outline for turning the situation around. She stressed that unlike other firms, the bank did not plan any layoffs. In fact, their department would be expanding. She complimented them on effective teamwork, on individual skills, and on mining great clients, all while keeping the focus of her presentation on how this would translate into future financial rewards for everyone.
STAY ON TRACK
Even in an informal setting, performance review, or one-on-one meeting, the stress of telling someone something they don't want to hear can be paralyzing. It's easy to become sidetracked by thinking:
- I don't like receiving critical feedback; I can't imagine anyone else will.
- People can't change another person's behavior; I have to accept the good with the bad.
- My feedback could boomerang; I could receive critical comments back.
The executive director of a large, educational non-profit came to me for coaching. He had been trying unsuccessfully to deliver important but difficult feedback to one of his senior managers and was extremely frustrated. The problem?... she cried every time. Consequently, he'd get rattled, adjourn the meeting, and nothing would be resolved.
While working together, the executive director and I anticipated how their next meeting might go. I gave him advice on how to deflate the discomfort of watching the manager's response to his critique. When she starts to tear up, I told him to respond by telling her, "I see you're getting upset," then take a minute to allow her to compose herself and become calm. If she continues to cry, offer her tissues, pause again, and breathe. If waiting becomes futile, say, "I can tell this must be difficult for you, let's take a ten minute break while you collect yourself and then we'll continue." I emphasized that he should continue to follow through with the feedback, despite the tears. Otherwise, she would not only continue the performance weaknesses, but would successfully avoid receiving any criticism. By setting the stage and preparing his responses, the director was able to turn their pattern of avoidance and dramatization into an effective strategy for giving a critique.
BE SPECIFIC
When approaching an individual to discuss your concerns, schedule a time to meet in a private place. Using feedback to embarrass someone in front of other people will only make you look foolish. Start out with a positive statement about the person's performance. Make sure it's sincere, not empty flattery. Then get on to the hard stuff by expressing feelings of concern. Start with, "This is very difficult for me to say, but I need to tell you..." Use specifics, stating clearly what happened and giving as much detail as possible. Provide concrete examples of goals for change as well as target dates. Giving critical feedback won't work without offering alternative actions and a time period for fulfillment. Finally, solicit feedback. Take into account the listener's thoughts and perspectives on the matter and you will dramatically improve their chances of meeting the objectives.
Giving bad news is a tough responsibility. We agonize. We procrastinate. We hate doing it. But sooner or later, often when you least expect it, you will be stuck with the job. At least now, no matter how much you dislike the task, you will be able to do it well.
THE FLIP SIDE: ON THE RECEIVING END
As difficult as it is to deliver bad news, it's not any easier receiving it. In highly charged emotional environments, especially when we feel judged or criticized, our listening skills break down. Our heart races. Our breath quickens. We tend to start thinking about our own anger and fantasies of retaliation rather than participating in constructive problem solving. Learning how to gracefully receive feedback not only improves performance but also improves how others view us and how we view ourselves.
The best time to prepare for hearing the worst is now. Keep a goody bag—a list or a file— stocked with examples of work done well and compliments received from colleagues. Include personal and professional attributes, personality strengths, and communication skills. After looking at the bright side, create a list of things you want to improve. Prioritize your weaknesses and begin to work on three immediately. By regularly reviewing both your strongest qualities and the areas needing improvement, you will be prepared when the time comes to sit face-to-face with someone who is going to give you some not so great news about yourself.
Here are some extra cues that can help you make it through with dignity:
- Tell yourself, "I need to listen to this. It will help me grow personally and professionally."
- Stay present and tuned-in to what you are hearing.
- Be as objective and unemotional as possible.
- Do not interrupt.
- Summarize and restate what you hear to insure you have heard it correctly.
- Ask yourself, "Is the feedback specific and action oriented?" If it's not, ask for specifics so you can understand the critique.
- Create an action plan for setting your goals.
- Follow-up to assess your progress.
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CREATING THE GOOD WILL
Creating The Good Will: The Most Comprehensive Guide to Both The Financial and Emotional Sides of Passing On Your Legacy by Elizabeth Arnold
(Portfolio, January 2006)
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Everyone wants to avoid death and taxes. That's why writing a will is number one on most people's procrastination list. But what if you could turn the estate planning process upside down and address the human aspects first before the legal or financial ones? My client and friend, Elizabeth Arnold, shows you how to do just that in her new book, Creating The Good Will: The Most Comprehensive Guide to Both The Financial and Emotional Sides of Passing On Your Legacy (Portfolio, January 2006). She guides you through a process that leads to results that are as meaningful as they are practical. Throughout out it all, Elizabeth will show you how to communicate with your loved ones about sensitive issues ranging from your choice of an executor or guardian to who gets grandma's recipe box or dad's skill saw. Visit www.creatingthegoodwill.com to learn more. |
